Sometimes Your Family Can Be Your Biggest Critics

Your family won’t always support your life choices. 

Disney’s new movie, Encanto, tells the story of Mirabel, who is part of a family that has magical abilities. But Maribel doesn’t have those powers. That difference makes her feel excluded and like she isn’t enough to meet her grandmother’s standards. 

The movie made me think about the moments where we don’t see eye to eye with family members, and that it is okay. 

When I was younger, my favorite person in the whole world was my aunt. Like most children, I’d whine my way into making my parents drive me to her house. 

She would comfort me and spoil me with clothes, candy, presents, food and trips to the park.

But over the years, she started to criticize me for my weight, clothes, classes, grades, extracurricular activities, dreams, college, job, major and more. 

Sometimes she’d even compared me to my cousins and brother by using me as an example of what not to become. 

It was hurtful to deal with such remarks. I stopped visiting her and dreaded family gatherings. I feared making eye contact with her or being stuck in a room that she was in.

Wanting to avoid her at all costs, I created a list of topics that could steer me away from conversations with her so I could avoid her shaming me.

On two occasions, I wanted her to say she was proud of me. When I ran to show her my acceptance letter to a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) program and when I was a nominee for the world language Silver Knight award. Even then she found my accomplishments unimpressive and not good enough.

Although she is barely present in my life, she still holds a special place in my heart because she impacted my childhood in a positive way. But I did have to learn to accept that she’s no longer the same person she was before and that sometimes family members don’t support you.