{"id":29573,"date":"2021-09-20T11:45:04","date_gmt":"2021-09-20T15:45:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mdcthereporter.com\/staging\/8357\/?p=29573"},"modified":"2021-09-20T14:08:13","modified_gmt":"2021-09-20T18:08:13","slug":"how-i-began-to-grieve-before-my-dad-passed-away","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mdcthereporter.com\/staging\/8357\/how-i-began-to-grieve-before-my-dad-passed-away\/","title":{"rendered":"How I Began To Grieve Before My Dad Passed Away"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the month leading to my father\u2019s passing, there was nothing but love between us. However, it wasn\u2019t always like that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our relationship was quite poor in the years preceding his tragic decline. I even refused to call him dad.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">He was a very dysfunctional individual. Often, his<\/span><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\"><a style=\"color: #3366ff;\" href=\"https:\/\/mdcthereporter.com\/staging\/8357\/overconsumption-of-alcohol-destroys-lives\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> erratic behavior was caused by alcoholism <\/span><\/a><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and was the source of frequent family disputes. I blamed him and distanced myself, seeing him more as an enemy than a father.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Despite the animosity, my attitude began to change once the prospect of his death became a likely possibility.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s when my grieving process began, even though he hadn\u2019t passed away yet.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I began feeling guilty and sad. Thinking to myself about the many things I could\u2019ve done to prevent my father\u2019s decline. The word \u201cif\u201d was engraved in my mind as I played endless scenarios of how things could\u2019ve been different.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The memories of all the previous years of fighting came back and I realized how much time we both wasted.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It wasn\u2019t all bad. I recall the times we played on my <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cnet.com\/reviews\/sony-ps2-review\/\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">PlayStation 2<\/span><\/a> until midnight. The times he took me to play soccer or when he taught me how to use gym equipment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Memories of our past trips around the city and beyond, visits to the beach and the endless restaurant meals we had flooded my mind. All of a sudden, he didn\u2019t seem that bad.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Despite my attempts to also remember the bad, the guilt devoured me. Luckily, he was still alive then.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In my latter hospital visits, we began a beautiful forgiveness process that will forever be a highlight of my life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We embraced the good moments and shared a level of transparent love reminiscent of the love I had for him when I was a young and innocent child.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As the doctors spoke of his imminent death, I held on to the hope that he would survive. I wanted to deny reality by making desperate attempts to transfer him to other hospitals in hopes of better treatments or even the much needed liver transplant.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I got angry and frustrated as all my attempts seemed to be futile. Each time an opportunity appeared for him to be relocated to a better facility, something would arise to deny it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After trying everything, my family settled on keeping him closer to us so we could visit him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I saw him two days prior to his death. His pain and agony was so visible.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">He passed away in a morphine-induced sleep. That was the last time I saw him. Seeing him in a perpetual peaceful slumber gave me the tranquility I needed to end the month of anxious phone calls and hospital visits.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I realized that my new normal would be without him. His loss will leave a hole that will never be filled. Nevertheless, the process it took me to acknowledge and accept his passing was also the process that allowed me to see my father for what he ultimately was: my dad.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the month leading to my father\u2019s passing, there was nothing but love between us. However, it wasn\u2019t always like that.\u00a0 Our relationship was quite poor in the years preceding his tragic decline. I even refused to call him dad.\u00a0 He was a very dysfunctional individual. Often, his erratic behavior was caused by alcoholism and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13482574,"featured_media":29574,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[1927,2840],"class_list":{"0":"post-29573","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-forum","8":"tag-death","9":"tag-grief"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How I Began To Grieve Before My Father&#039;s Death<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Juan S. 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