There comes a time when couples heading to different colleges have “the talk” —the “are we doing long-distance?” talk.
People have different views on the matter but most fall under three general categories.
The first is that adolescent relationships are not meant to last. The second insists long-distance relationships can work if you try hard enough. The third believes if it’s meant to be, you will find your way back to each other.
This idea is broadly referred to as “finding the right person at the wrong time.” It centers around the belief that some people, regardless of how perfect they may seem, are not meant to be in your life at a particular moment.
Many elements beyond our control pull people apart, including career goals, family pressures, mental health issues and unresolved trauma.
Many look at this as a comforting idea. Even though you must say goodbye now, there will come a day when you will be reunited.
I think this illusion of fate is merely an excuse meant to comfort.
Logically, it makes little sense to say it’s the right person, if it’s the wrong time.
For instance, young women on social media have romanticized the concept of fixing broken men. They enter a complicated relationship and assume the role of transforming the person for the better. When the efforts fail, the explanation becomes “he was just not ready yet.”
This logic could not be more wrong. Humans are fully capable of improvement and growth, especially when someone wants to keep a person in their life.
Placing the blame on timing takes away accountability from those involved. It is easier to say “maybe in another lifetime” than admit the connection was not strong enough.
Coverage on modern dating culture suggests that timing is often used as a justification for being incompatible. Experts argue that this concept usually masks misaligned goals or a lack of commitment.
Relying on this narrative slows down the process of healing from past heartbreak. Fate makes breakups feel poetic, instead of final.
Ultimately, this idea is popular because it helps people cope with rejection.
Blaming timing is simply more convenient than admitting two people were not equally invested. It gives them something to hold on to—a sense of hope for the future.
We must realize, love is not defined by circumstances. It’s maintained through mutual effort and the act of choosing each other everyday in spite of the difficulties life throws your way.
The right relationship isn’t about convenience. If someone can’t choose you right now, they will most likely not put you first later.
