Why Female Friendships Seem More Intimate Than Male Friendships

There is truth behind most jokes. 

Many people joke that female friendships are overly heartfelt and sappy. 

Some say that male friendships are superficial and short-lived. 

All joking aside, friendships between women tend to be more intimate than friendships between men. 

While both genders are equal in value, there are undeniable differences between the kinds of relationships they form. People like to contemplate where these contrasts stem from. 

One popular theory postulates that males and females form different kinds of friendships due to their upbringings.

According to psychologist Tarra Dates-Buford, friendships between men are more likely to be built on shared hobbies, such as sports and video games, whereas relationships between women depend on their ability to share their thoughts and feelings. 

While friendships founded upon common interests can lead to close connections, it’s easier to keep those friendships casual and superficial than friendships built upon sharing vulnerabilities.

Buford also notes there are differences in how males and females respond to deficits in communication. 

It’s more likely for female friendships to fizzle out over their inability to stay in contact than for male friendships. Men will continue to consider a man his close friend even if they haven’t interacted in months. 

To understand these differences, we need to look at their childhoods. 

Young boys are often discouraged from being vulnerable with others because showcasing emotions such as sadness or fear contradicts the social norm of what a “man” is—someone who is always strong and doesn’t cry. Tears are seen as weakness in men. 

As a result, men tend to be more reserved with their emotions even within male-to-male relationships. 

Girls, on the other hand, are often considered “too emotional” for expressing their feelings. Nonetheless, it’s socially acceptable for women to wear their hearts on their sleeves, which can kindle intimate conversations and stronger bonds.

Self-disclosure, the process of communication through which humans reveal personal information, is essential for relationships to thrive because it requires and creates trust. 

Naturally, humans tend to keep personal information—beliefs, values, emotions, secrets, mistakes and traumas—private. It is the key to what makes you you. 

When you share that kind of information, you are trusting that someone won’t use it against you. 

Women are more likely to take such a risk in their friendships than men, yielding more intimate, lasting connections.

However, it’s not wise to put all our cards on the table with everyone. 

Strong, meaningful relationships take time to cultivate. Being quick to self-disclose can cause personal information to fall into the wrong hands.

Ultimately, it’s important to recognize the differences between how and why male and female relationships differ. 

Maybe there is something men and women can learn from each other.