Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

It’s a perennial question that many men and women have surely asked themselves and of those around them on many occasions, especially in those precarious instances where they found themselves analyzing and reacting to a person’s every saying and action. A guy might argue that a girl’s friendly wave and wink means she’s looking for something more, while a guy’s overtly amiable demeanor won’t convince a girl that he’s into her.

With such close analysis happening all the time, the question arises— can men and women be just friends?

A 2012 article by Scientific American on the topic of platonic love cites relevant multimedia from as far back as 1635, when Sir William Davenant’s play, The Platonick Lovers, first hit the stage in Renaissance-era London. In When Harry Met Sally, Harry confidently argues that such a thing as opposite-sex friends can’t exist, because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive— “sex always gets in the way.”

A University of Wisconsin research team, cited in Scientific American’s article, put 88 pairs of college-age opposite-sex friends into a research lab and found out something very interesting. The males typically held inflated estimates of their partner’s attractions toward them while the women held comparatively deflated estimates. Without even consulting one another, men thought women were very attracted to them while the women thought the men were very unattracted to them.

The study also found that the men were much more likely to pursue romantic involvements with female friends who were already in relationships while the women shied away from such scenarios given their increased sensitivity to their partner’s relationship status.

Speaking on behalf of males everywhere, I see the validity of maintaining friendships with females but I also see the benefit of allowing a romantic connection to come about. After all, human beings seek to express their emotions, and if a friend of mine wanted to pursue something beyond the friend zone, I’d be open to it. Our friendship theretofore will serve as a seal of approval that any more time spent together, especially in a more intimate context, would certainly be enjoyable and worthwhile. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be friends.

It’s like going to Publix and finding out that your favorite snacks are being sold as “buy one, get one free.” You take what you’ve got already — a great friendship — and plant the seed toward fruition of a wonderful romance. Ain’t that a good idea?