Express Your Love In A Way People Understand

For many years my mother and I were constantly arguing about feeling unloved by each other. 

She would tell me I didn’t love her because I never did anything for her, even though I’d tell her that I loved her every five seconds. And I’d tell her that she didn’t love me because she’d never say “I love you,” even though she would show me that she loved me.

It never occurred to us that we were feeling unloved because we were expressing our love to each other in the way we know how not how the other person prefers. 

According to the well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars, Gary Chapman, there are five love languages—acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch. 

For people who understand love through acts of service, actions speak louder than words.

To others, receiving heartfelt gifts is what makes them feel loved.

Quality time is about giving others your undivided attention.

Words of affirmation is about using words to affirm other people.

Lastly, physical touch is about being touched appropriately, like through hugs. 

In Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages, he explains that because people have different personalities they give and receive love in different ways. Once we learn to recognize our love language and our loved ones’, we are able to identify the root of our conflicts and grow closer. 

We all have a percentage of all five love languages, but there’s always one we prefer more than the rest.

My mother’s main preference is acts of service, so unless people do something to show her that they love her, she won’t feel it. Mine is words of affirmation, meaning people have to tell me how they feel about me for me to know it.

Once I learned this, I understood that my mother and I did love each other, but we had been expressing it in a way that we preferred to be loved, not in a way that the other recognized. 

That taught me to pay attention to how people express their love because that typically shows how they wish to be treated.

It may be hard to love someone in a way you don’t prefer, but if you love them, the sacrifice is worth it.

Everyone deserves to feel loved, which is why it’s important for people to know the different ways to show love.