Top Ten Testosterone Filled Songs To Pump You Up At The Gym

Who says only superheroes and sitcoms have theme music? I have my own music almost every day when I pump iron. And although a lot of us feel our lives are sitcoms, you truly feel like a superhero when you’re under a 300+ pound mass of iron with nothing but your wits keeping the weight from crushing your spine. I try to play the right music at the right time and here is my top ten “Pumptastic” leg day tracks that get me feeling like a superhero.

1.“Runnin’ With the Devil” — Van Halen.

You just got to the gym after work. You’re probably hungry, tired, and pissed-off at everything. Don’t slack-off and get your blood pumping with some wretched cardio. Van Halen’s “Runnin’ With the Devil” is the perfect song to manifest my hatred of cardio, reminisce over how my day has been, and of course like the devil’s house it burns.

2.“Dethharmonic” — Dethklok

A Harvard study found that thinking evil thoughts and clenching your fists makes you physically stronger. That being said, I highly advise gym music be evil, loud and—if possible—without a single decipherable word except continuous growling. “Dethharmonic” is a natural steroid according to Harvard’s study, and besides, did you really expect to get pumped listening to Iggy Azalea and all that lollipop music?

3.“Power” — Kanye West

Kanye West doesn’t seem like a guy I’d ever want to hang out with or even share an elevator with, but the bastard pumps out some of the best gym music today. When I’m about to start the weights with the classic deadlift and the bass comes through my headphones and West exclaims “No one man should have all that power,” I swear to God I feel like that one man or more. I feel like Atlas with the sky on his shoulders; that’s if the sky weighed 365 pounds, of course.

4.“Hustlin” — Rick Ross

After three sets deadlifting with Kanye, I’m now open for business. Quads warmed up and callouses ripping, I sit at the leg press and quickly pump out four sets heavier than a quarter-ton, grunting like an animal with a face so ugly a blind mother couldn’t love it over a telephone.

5.“Freak on a Leash”  — Korn

That devil’s music, the stuff my grandma thought was ruining me when I was only 8-years-old, this song is an old friend. “Sometimes I cannot take this place” is what I think when I’ve pressed 630 lbs and my legs are screaming at me. I walk like a penguin to the leg extensions and pump three drop-sets. I lift all the weight the machine has to offer. Then I drop the weight for two reps until I’m lifting a single plate for 24 reps. Your legs may feel like they fell off but you’re a bat-out-of-hell to do it all over again. At this point you’re ready to puke.

6.“Happiness in Slavery” — Nine Inch Nails

But this isn’t break time. Maintain your conditioning and when you’ve completed the three drop-sets wobble to the hamstring curls and do three more drop-sets. I’m lying on my belly regretting this decision. “Why am I punishing myself?” I think, while my hamstrings explode. I am both slave and slave master to my own body. The slave master has no regard for a slave, success comes with pain and like the song says “I have found you can find happiness in slavery.” This 20-year-old dark, heavy, industrial track will speak to you clearer than you think when you become a vicious gym rat killing yourself on a Friday night at 4:37 a.m.

7.“Iron Man” — Black Sabbath

You’re almost done, but the worst part is next. Pack on some plates and squat until your hamstrings touch your calves and then clench your butt and lift. Repeat this for at least three sets and pump some Black Sabbath at full volume. Your legs exhausted, sweat falling off your chin and Ozzy Osbourne gargled voice saying “I Am Iron Man,” setting you up for agony. “How the hell am I walking tomorrow?” worries me but I’m Iron Man right now and I’ll give a damn about pain after I eat and sleep.

8.“The Love Song” — Marilyn Manson

Do you love your guns? Move the bar from behind your neck to the front and fold your elbows to keep it up. These are called “front-squats.” This exercise gives you and anyone a butt like Jennifer Lopez and there is nothing wrong with that. Although there is something entirely wrong with listening to her music when you’re in this position. So, more importantly, do you love your guns?

9 “Work” — A$AP Ferg

Squatting 100+ pounds over your body weight has got your thighs swollen in pain and walking is the last thing you want to do, so to top it all off, you are going to throw a 70 pound bar over your shoulders and lunge deep. Ferg’s “Work” makes me feel like I want gold teeth and hell, why not? It’s Friday night and your friends are drunk in Wynwood somewhere humping the American dream, but not you. You’re thrashing your legs and not letting yourself leave until you’ve finished the workout even though you’re ready to collapse. There’s work to be done.

10 “Smoke a Ni**a” — Juicy J

This is the victory song. The song you play when leaving the gym. This is your theme song, brother. When Juicy J says, “You think you hot as me? Hold on, you must be smoking, ni**a.” You probably can’t help pounding your chest to every syllable and bobbing your head like you’re in music video. Don’t worry, this is a normal state called the “pump” or a body-builder’s climax and it’s perfectly acceptable to act obnoxious—you’ve earned it.